Halloween

I just have to document while the memory is still fresh in my mind, how fucking horrible tonight was. Everyone starting drinking at my house at like 5, didn't leave til around 9. My best friend is an idiot and got too fucked up because i guess hes a huge light weight and couldn't even walk. Finally got on the train but then had to get off cause Nicoles boyfriend had too peepee lmao. FINALLLY got to BBKings at around 1030, the misfits were good but it was over in what felt like 5 minutes. Then we lost murph for a half hour and then stood outside the train for another half hour, but I'm not quite sure why. Finally we go down to catch the train and ofcourse someone doesnt have a metro card and follows me through, and oh yay we both get summonses. Fucken asshole cop, 100 dollars for jumping the turn style(?). What is that shit. Now I'm home after walking another 416183 miles. I feel like I'm gonna throw up all over the basement.

Fucked Up

I'm fucked up, listening to wheatus, and waiting to go to see the misfits. I want to leaveeeeeeeee.

FUCK

Encounter 2 with that stupid idian shit from walgreens. FUCK him. Now I deffinitly can't go in there again. There are worse things in the world then a fake i.d. I don't fucking get it, I never even i.d people at work for beer, and if I did I wouldn't give a shit if I really believed it was them or not. Those fucks tried to take it from me too. Get the fuck out of here, I want revenge, I want that little smelly fuck to burn. As if my day wasn't bad enough. Fuck fuck fuck fuck that's so annoying.

Gin and Juice

Right now my washing machine is beating the shit out of my favorite pants :(. Against Me! got in a bus accident, but their okay (THANKGOD). I'm procrastinating right now. I have a lot of health and government homework to make up. I don't want to go to work, as always. Nicole put her 2 weeks in. That sucks. I hate it there enough with her. Every work day is going to be horrible horrible torture. Nicole quitting means they have to make a new floor girl. I doubt their going to ask me since it's been almost 3 years and they still haven't. They obviously think I'm retarded, and their wrong. I am more capable then every idiot that works there, by far. It's bullshit, "I gave myself a bad reputation". I was 15 when I started working there, it's been 3 years - things change. I don't think I even want to be a floor girl, it just means more hours and that means more torture. I just want them to fucking ask me already, it's the principle.

Bullshit.

Wow. I'm appauled. I'm a victim of atempted swindling. I smoked with a kid from work and two other people the other night. We all smoked a dub, and as most of the world knows, this is 20 dollars worth. Divided by four, 5 dollars each, or so i thought. Now before smoking there was a big predicament because we thought only 3 people were smoking and I didn't have any money on me at the time all this crap. I just wanted to smoke, so I went to the kid who had the mary jane and I said something along the lines of "Whatever, I'll give you fucking 700 dollars when I get my check, let's just smoke". Now obviously, I was not serious about 700 dollars. How the fuck does he meet up with me now asking me for 10 dollars? Because your the dealer you don't have to pay? Not where I'm from. What a fucking ass wad. Not to mention I have lit him up numerous times in the past. And it's not so much about the extra 5 dollars, although money is tight, it's the principle.

Anywho, it has been ridiculously cold out. I love it. I don't love that I don't have a jacket yet, but when I get one I'll really love it. I just wish it would not be sunny for the whole winter, or the whole year. That'd be amazing. Maybe I should move to Alaska, 6 months of darkness, I think.

Sometimes the wit of others shocks and amazes me. Not that I think I'm incredibly witty and clever, I just don't think the rest of the world that I associate with is either. Maybe I'm too hard on the world. I'm going to try to be more accepting. I'm cynical and critical and kind of anti-social sometimes. That would explain why I feel the need to write in this blog and the only people that even read it are me and maybe Nicole, and shes already heard it all before.

Sell My Old Clothes..

It seems impossible that every single day can get worse, but it does somehow. I'm just sick to death of the repetitive bullshit. Wake up and hike in the freezing cold with no jacket to the bus, and from the bus to school, and it's only getting colder everyday. Then sit in school where I still fucking freeze in all of my classes. Then home from school, same thing, hike and freeze. Finally I get home, and either smoke and sleep or sleep and work. Then there are the little things on top of all the other bigger things that just make me insane. Today I come home and the only thing in the house to eat is cereal, but guess what? Theres no milk! Perfect. The smoke alarm is still beeping constantly because still no one has replaced the batteries. No heat yet. TV in the basement won't work. You can just never win.

Got my report card today though. I did pretty nice. 83 average. 88 92 70 80 85. Public school has done me good I suppose.

Unfortunately, work is now going to suck a fat one today and friday will suck all by itself, but shit happens. Would it really make that much of a difference if it didnt anyway?

A Little Nauseated

Fuck that indian man at walgreens. I go there pracitcally every day. Everyday since they opened I go to walgreens with my 19 i.d and get a pack of newports. Why, today, does the stupid fucken douche of an indian mother fucker have to verify that its my i.d? I guess since I dyed my hair, but whatever, I don't know her fucking adress because no one else really gives a shit if its me or not. I'm 17, its not like I'm a 10 year old walking in and asking for a pack. It's such bullshit, now I have to walk an extra block to the candy store to get cigarettes and their not open til 10.

I'm hungover and I don't want to go to work. I was such a mess last night. I was so fucking bored at FotAss's house. The last thing I want to do on a Saturday night is ruin my drunk and high watching some bullshit video game. Nicole slept half the night, so I spent most of the night in the bathroom entertaining myself or listening to my ipod.
I need new friends, not that those people are my friends. Nicole and Murph are my friends, everyone else are just people I know. I just need more friends.

Break

Just got out of work. I was a half hour late today, for no good reason at all. I went to sleep around 12, I didn't drink at all, or do anything to exert too much energy, what a waste of and extra 30 minutes sleeping. I've been trying to be good at work, maybe some day I'll eventually get "promoted", but its useless. One day of being late means I need another 3 months of being "good" to make up for it. They only see the bad things.

I was just reading Toms blog. He makes me so fucking jealous. That man could be talking about taking a shit and it would still sound perfect.

I've been feeling wierd lately, I'm so iritable. Everything makes me mad, everything annoys me. I'm always tired and I always have a headache. People try to make plans with me and I want to sit in the basement and do nothing and then I get pissed off that I have nothing to do. There is nothing to do though. I guess these are all just side effects of being miserable, or maybe the reason for being miserable. I can't decide.

Last night was fun though. Murph came over and me him and Nikki smoked on the porch. Then me and Murph walked to Atlas to see the movie. We got there half way through the coming attractions, which is a problem, apparently this is the most important part of going to the movies (according to murph). All was well until a group of like fifteen 12 year olds decided to be fucking retarded. They did not shutup. Running around, talking, lauging, yelled, climbing over seats, through the first 10 minutes of the movie. They eventually got kicked out. After they were gone everything was good. I was so stoned, it was great. There wasn't a lot of bullshit in between, just a lot of crazy zombie people eating everyone and some crazy fireman just slaughtering them. It was pretty funny too. Bla bla bla enough bullshit, me and Nicole are going to actually do something tonight, so I need to nap and shower and ect.

On a sad note, the closest Quiznos is closing :( thats my favorite high food.

The Roller

"Feels like you've already said so much, feels like you can never say enough."

I think I have chronic headaches. I just feel like I always have a headache, very annoying. Me and Murph are going to see Quarantine tonight, it'll probably suck, but I don't care as long as it scares the shit out of me. He wanted to see Max Payne. The name in itself is bad enough, but no, it's staring Mark Whalberg (or however you spell it). That man is such a bad actor, so bad that I feel no need to elaborate.
I am so shallow. Well, I don't even know if shallow is the word, extremely picky? It's hardly about looks, just every thing else. I just don't think that I should have to settle, I just might be single til I'm 75. I just want to find someone compatible in all aspects, and then I actually have to like them and be attracted to them, and ofcourse they have to actually like me. Too annoying. A clone of Tom Gabel would be nice, I'd 'settle' for that.

I'm So Burnt

"Even when locations change, the imbalance stays the same, and you just run out of cities, states and countries you can blame..."

Me and Nicole were just talking about how ugly vaginas are. They are so ugly. Dicks aren't that nice either, but their still better than a big ugly vagina.
I am so burnt, and we ate so much pizza and slept for like 4 hours, so disgusting. It sucks this sleep won't count for anything tonight cause now I'm never going to fall asleep. I want to start eating healthy, it's so fucking hard to when your high though haha. My brain is so shot right now....

Complete Disconnection

"There is no anger, just growing exhaustion and disgust, no longer a difference between. A cynicism has been writing it self into my skin and I am sick to death of it."

Home now, so nice to have my own key board.
I was thinking today about how I don't talk to 90% of the people I used to know. I don't know if that should make me sad but it doesn't at all, actually I'm so relieved. Looking at most of the people in the neighborhood now makes me sick, I'm so happy that I didn't let myself get (or stay) like that. I do miss some of my friends, but mostly my friends from grammer school. I really hate living here, I feel like theres almost no one to meet, I either know everyone or I'd rather not know them. I can't even begin to describe some of the idiots that live here. One big, fat bitch that I think of inparticular when I think of the assholes in this neighborhood turns my stomach the most. I swear she has been doing the same shit, which would be making this world a little bit worse then it is, since I was 12 (and I dont see her stoping any time soon). Some people I can't even believe I was ever friends with, I can't help hating some of them for no better reason then their exsistence. One year of college here and that's it. Wow, and I'm deffinitly not looking forward to that college either, some of the biggest losers that I've ever known go there. So exciting to know that there is not going to be much change for atleast another year.

"Torch ourselves in effigy."

I'm Starving

I don't know why I'm even attempting to type on Nicoles alien key board. It's so fucking hot today and "nice", I hate it. God, I'm so hungry. I give up I can't type like this.

Overcast

"So I fucked it up, I watched you go, I saw my hand not dialing the phone. All
I'm left to do is remember the dull room we sat in blue stream light watching
the strike of '59...."

I want to know who the fuck decided what a nice day is? I'd say a typical "nice day" for the average person is warm weather, sunny and not humid. In my opinion, a nice day is overcast, cold and windy. That's just the kind of weather I like, I wish everyday was like that. Todays kind of like that, but not cold enough. If I could I think I'd just stay here in the basement, close the door and shut off all the lights and watch Pulp Fiction or That 70's Show or something.

I really like Saves The Day. I think Chris is a really good writer and his lyrics really appeal to me. ^ Like that one. Jessie and My Whetstone has been my song lately. That's the song that when I walk to the bus in the morning goes on first on my ipod, and same when I get home on my limewire.

I have to re-dye my hair today, so annoying. It keeps washing out and I'm so sick of having this stupid looking fucking blonde hair. I want RED.

So I thought that the show we're going to see on November 20th was Against Me! I think I might be wrong though, my friend told me about it cause she wants to go, but me and Nicole got a flyer after leaving Webster Hall on Saturday that says its just Tom, a solo show. I'd absolutely go see that anyway, I didn't like the first song of his that I heard that much, but I've listen to some others and its actually pretty good. He also played one on Saturday that I liked, especially directly from his beautiful lips. It resembles Against Me!'s old shit more, and I like that. Hopefully it'll be his solo and an Against Me! set, that would deffinitly be ideal.

I hate my job.

I really hate my job, I should never ever work in customer service. People are so cheap and ridiculous, and some of them just try to start fights. It really makes me hate the human race more then I already do. Me and Nicole kept getting prank calls at work today, which is so odd since niether of us really talk to many people and they were obviously connected. Then theres that creepy guy that I randomly met on the street last night. Who just starts talking to someone out of nowhere? Granted, he was fucked up, but it's just not normal. I don't know why I gave him my number, but then on top of the strange way in which you got it, to call me 3 times in less then 24 hours? Honestly how desperate can a person be?

Mmmmm dunkin' donuts now.

Law & Order

I know I just wrote, but now I'm watching law and order while I'm doing the laundry and it's just so ridiculous some times. I like the show because I love anything to do with murder and rape and ect., but really, who makes a stick figure cartoon on the computer of the way they plan to murder their cousin?

1st

I just finished watching the latest episode of californication. I like that show, it's funny and entertaining but it kind of makes me mad somtimes. Where in the world is everyone you know so witty? Even the 12 or 13 year olds are clever and smart. It just seems so unrealistic, maybe thats why its a TV show? Not only are they witty, but they have a general good taste in music and clothing (as little as that might matter) and basically they seem like the type of people that I like. I'm jealous of this show.

On another note, I really don't want to do the laundry or my homework or get dressed for work, this is such a waste of a day off. I found it so hard to wake up this morning.

A little on Tom.
So me, Nicole my sister and Matt went to the Against Me! show on saturday night. It was amazing ofcourse, Nicole and I were right there, about 3 feet away from Tom. I held his hand and touched his sweaty, naked chest. It was insane. Their just really good preformers, at the end of the show there was about 30 people on the stage with them. We didnt go up but we should've, I just wasn't sure it was over and didnt wana get pushed to the back. I'm going to see them again in November and I'd like to see Tom solo too. Heather Gabel is such a lucky bitch.

I have to actually do things now.