The Other Night

I had the craziest dream, about Quentin Tarintino.
What happened was, I was watching the deleted scenes on my Pulp Fiction DVD and Quentin was doing the commentary before. I happened to fall asleep while watching and I dreamt this...
My sister dropped me off at his house, where I was going to be learning something (about directing I assume) When I got there we sat at the computer together and he made me sit on his lap and he sexually harassed me as I wrote him a review on Journey, the band. I think I know understand why little boys don't tell on the preists that give it to them and what not, cause I didn't want it but I just let Quentin do his thing. Then more kids came and Raquel (who was in about 2 minutes of Pulp Fiction) and she was Quentins girlfriend. Some little boy tried to make me jealous by telling them they were doing it in his room right now, woop. Then my mom and sister picked me up but I forgot my cell phone and we got lost in his strange apartment complex. It was all very wierd.

The end.

HAHA

People. I think I'm completely impossible to insult. I am completely aware of everything bad thing about me, my life, and so on. And apperance, that is the worst. I haven't gotten one of those in a while, which might be a sign that the small portion of the world I associate with is maturing slightly. How important are looks really? They seem to be, and I guess they do play some what of a factor in life, but anyone with any substance can get past looks. I can't believe the things that people forget sometimes, it makes me think that you can forget anything.

I'm a good person, too good.

"Thats why guys don't like you"
Hahaha, I can think of a thousand reasons why I am still single, but because I said I don't understand how your girlfriend can stand you, is deffinitly not one of them.

Baby, I Won't Impress You No Matter What

I make myself sick, and so does the world.

I know I'm not supposed to be this way anymore. Happy happy Rachael. I think tonight is a free pass. Would you like me if I stayed forever young? Blaaaa, I'm fucked up. I wish I could just sit on the couch and watch Pulp Fiction forever, or One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest, I don't want to have to think anymore.

Well that sucks, cause no one does, get used to staying out of touch.

AND

I said this to someone I havent talked to in a long time tonight, and I used to be very good friends with them a very long time ago....

i know we havent talked in a long time, and im almost postive you hate me, but ive been thinking and i just wanted to say merry christmas
& you can tell your girlfriend the same goes for her

and they didnt even answer, I put my heart out in Christmas spirit, I even lied for the sake of goodness because I didn't even mean the last part, and he couldn't even humor me with an answer, so fuck this world.

This world

is full of stupid people. It seems that the only person worth really caring about is your significant other. I don't have one of those, and maybe I never will, does that mean that I'm never going to be important enough for anyone? I can't decide but I think so, and parents? Parents...psh. Parents have their own stories. Siblings will most likely ruin that last hope for you, if your in my boat. I can't care though, I'll just let it all go. Something, even if it is a short conversation every two weeks, is better than nothing.

Murph made me cry tonight, and I didn't even talk to him. & Nothing, nothing made me cry. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

I'm gonna keep a postive attitude anyway, because of my epiphany.

You Know It Kills Me

I was thinking about it, and it's not my fault he sucked when I was sober.

Deja Friday

It feels like yesterday happened already. Went to school, late of course. Didn't go to community service. Fight with psycho man, rule and authority obsessed Dad. Smoked, slept, went home and got ready. Kamels. Kamel is ridiculous. So is his brother. I fell in love with his puppy. I like to not be touched sometimes, but no one seems to understand that. It was like the 3 of them that were there have never seen a girl before. I felt like I was being hunted. It was fun though, most of it. The cab driver was deffinitly a killer. I'm sick of the attitudes on every fucking person in that cab company.

Fuckkkkk authority and rules.

Stupid

There is absolutely nothing at all wrong with smoking pot. Yes, anything in excess is bad, that's true. On the contrary, that also goes for other things. Some other examples of things in excess that are bad : drinking, eating, sleeping, not going to school, even dying your hair and many other things. Why these things are ok to abuse and why pot is not ok to smoke a healthy amount, is beyond me.
Things like pot call for very few things, something to smoke out of, some where to smoke and self control. It's as simple as that.

And just because I like to smoke, it doesn't make me a "pot head" or a bad person!

No Gooood

I hate coldssss. I woke up so sick, dreaming about bottles of water in my bed. I was actually on my way to school and on time when Nicole called and and I decided that I felt too much like shit not to go to her house and sleep for 3 hours. Last night was ridiculous, didn't plan on getting too fucked up since it was Sunday. Went to the forrest with Nicole and Losenger, drank and heard funny shit stories. Fladam picked me up and we smoked in the van, then I went home and talked to my mom and sister about vagina hair in the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's for like 2 hours. People were so crazy to really style their vagina hair, and still are if they still do. I had a dream about Tom today during my nap, agh such a tease. I don't want to go to workkkkk, I'm not going to school again tommorrow, I don't care if I fail health for it. I need to register for SATs, bleh.

Ocupado

Goinggggggggggg too the forest, wooooop.

My froat hurtsssssss.

Untitled 3 Million

I miss this adorable man
And them^

I wish they would go on fucking tour againnnnnnnn. That's always the best thing to have to look foward too. I think I could see them 36826 million times and some how have the greatest time of my life everytime.

I don't care,

I don't care,

I don't care,

I don't care,

I don't care,

I DON'T CARE.

Just like he said. I think Jamie got pee on me, ewww.

Last Chance To Lose Your Keys

"It's boys like you that make me think
I'm better off home on a Saturday night..."

I miss my best friend. I like his new girlfriend, shes really nice and I'm happy for him but I miss him in more ways than one. I feel like hes been different the past 2 weeks, the 2 times that I've seen him. I hope this whole being so wrapped up in his girlfriend thing doesn't last long. I don't want them to break up, I just hope he learns to balance. I feel replaced, even though I was never anything like his girlfriend and most deffinitley never wanted to be, I had that opportunity many times. I don't know about this whole thing, but it seems to fit a pattern in my life lately.

I don't think I can handle a relationship. I don't know how I did it in the past, but I look at other peoples relationships and not all of them, but a lot of them seem to be so unbalanced. Some people act as if the only other person on the planet is their significant other. I don't want to make someone my entire life. There are people in normal relationships too, ofcourse. They seem to balance everything well and what not, but agh. I don't think I could even like anyone so much, so consistantly for very long.

My manager bought everyone at work pizza today. He's one of those people who act like they hate everyone, but then do something nice like that. My lungs are shot shot shot. I ran to my house and back to work, I live 2 blocks away, I'm still weezing and coughing. I'm disgusting. I smoke tooooo much. I smoke too much pot too. I hope my brain doesn't disapear.

Say It, Dont Spray It

I ate so much white pasta last night, ewwww. I feel nasty. Buddy wore my hat :).

Aghhhhihfdxgdhsapdj[oacdsofafhsaijhd.

People are ridiculous, faggets faggets faggets. If I see one more of these on aim ...

keep loven me the way you loven me,&ill neva leave your side. you gotta
chick thats riide or diee soo justt remembaa as much as fiight were both on the
same sidex3, i love you.

or....

Trynnaa livVe c0mfortableee,wannaa chiLL nD sm0kEe bluntTTss wiTTchuuu, g0o t0o
thaAa m0vviesss- cAn a niGGaa maAkee l0vVeee 2 y0UUU

I'm gonna throw up. How does anyone have the patience to type half in upper case half in lower case? And why would they ever want to? If a guy ever came to me and said "Can a nigga make love to you" I certainly would not say yes.

I have to eat my trader joes french toast with disgusting sugar free syrup. I can deal with a lot of healthy sugar free, low fat, low carb, no sugar added, diabetic, light shit, but this is not cutting it.

Now I must go look at bobs funny pictures?

You are wiiiiiierd and warped. Your not that great, I just want your sometimes curved Benis.

Agh

I'm hungry.

I didn't know people still played games. I thought you grew out of that shit. Is it enjoyable? I guess it is if you don't care, maybe that's the problem. I can't do that.

I want to watch Pulp Fiction. I don't know why I haven't bought it yet. Maybe cause I'm always fucking broke. How is it that my cousin gave me a hundred dollars (wooop!) on Thanksgiving and I got payed the day before and I have like 10 dollars today. I'm ridiculous.

And done.

Na Na Na Na

"So find the darkest place
and search under blankets for
me, smothering myself in this darkness"

I like Bayside, they write what I think.

I have to pee so bad right now, but I'm too horribly lazy to get up and walk 10 feet. I feel a little more like myself today, not a very good version of myself, but it's better then nothing. I'm over the last thing that I had to think about, that was quick. I hate having regrets, even more I hate thinking what could have been, because nothing ever happens the way you think it should.

I hate the way I am too, what is wrong with me? There has to be something. I'm 17 and I haven't impacted anyone in anyway, I have no meaning to anyone. I'm just another person, and so is the rest of the world, the difference is that most of the rest of the world is more then just a person to someone somewhere. So what's wrong here? It is obviously me, not everyone else can be the problem. I just want to know what it is.

I'm retarded too. On the rare occasion that I do attract someone, it eventually isn't enough. I don't know if it's because I start to get nervous and worry about what I'm doing and saying, or if it's because I just am not enough. When I'm high and I think about this I think I have no substance and that I'm immature. I try not to think about things like this when I'm stoned though, I don't want to ruin one of the only things that makes me feel good.

I want to do something. We always make lists, but I don't know what happens, I guess we just forget. Me and Nicole were supposed to do something the other day, it didn't work out though. We're going the forest Thursday, as high as we can possibly get. Yay.