Na Na Na Na

"So find the darkest place
and search under blankets for
me, smothering myself in this darkness"

I like Bayside, they write what I think.

I have to pee so bad right now, but I'm too horribly lazy to get up and walk 10 feet. I feel a little more like myself today, not a very good version of myself, but it's better then nothing. I'm over the last thing that I had to think about, that was quick. I hate having regrets, even more I hate thinking what could have been, because nothing ever happens the way you think it should.

I hate the way I am too, what is wrong with me? There has to be something. I'm 17 and I haven't impacted anyone in anyway, I have no meaning to anyone. I'm just another person, and so is the rest of the world, the difference is that most of the rest of the world is more then just a person to someone somewhere. So what's wrong here? It is obviously me, not everyone else can be the problem. I just want to know what it is.

I'm retarded too. On the rare occasion that I do attract someone, it eventually isn't enough. I don't know if it's because I start to get nervous and worry about what I'm doing and saying, or if it's because I just am not enough. When I'm high and I think about this I think I have no substance and that I'm immature. I try not to think about things like this when I'm stoned though, I don't want to ruin one of the only things that makes me feel good.

I want to do something. We always make lists, but I don't know what happens, I guess we just forget. Me and Nicole were supposed to do something the other day, it didn't work out though. We're going the forest Thursday, as high as we can possibly get. Yay.